Uncover your power, bet on yourself, and forge new paths of self discovery. Celebrate International Women's Day with StereoType founder Elizabeth Brunner’s empowering journey and learn how betting on yourself transforms the impossible into endless possibilities.
It’s challenging to forge a new path, take a leap without a net, or venture into the unknown. The road less traveled is often a lonely one where there’s not only no map, but the path can be so foggy that only one step at a time is possible. It’s a place I know all too well, and when I find myself on a new path with no one else in sight, I remind myself to breathe deeply, tune within, look for guidance along the way, and keep going. While the path may not be crystal clear, I know the guidance will appear as soon as I seek it out.
International Women's Day serves as a reminder that we are not alone on this journey.
It’s a day where we stand together, celebrating and honoring accomplishments while empowering and elevating women across the globe. It’s also a day to shine a spotlight on gender equality and inclusion while encouraging one another to take risks to forge new paths. Inclusion lies at the heart of gender equality because when we look for our reflection in others who have blazed the path before us, we create a sense of belonging and the courage to keep moving ahead.
When I started StereoType, it was essential for me to find people who would help me nurture my new business, and it also meant I had to convince people why they should care as much as I do. In those fragile early days, when I started to tell others little by little what I was working on, I was lucky enough to find support from people with the qualities or advice I needed to see my vision through. Even though it was hard to let go and trust the unfamiliar, what I did know was that I didn’t hold the answers alone. It was a process of trusting that had to be developed, and including others in my vision was the only way to advance. Building an inclusive business means actively embracing the fact that all voices are heard and fostering a vibrant and innovative work environment.
While I’m still figuring out much of my own entrepreneurial journey, I can tell you that beyond creating a team to help me achieve my goals, above that, the best thing I ever did was bet on myself. Not because I had a strong sense of confidence and conviction, quite the opposite - I didn’t know what I would find on the other side of saying yes to myself, and that was the point. I was willing to discover what was beyond my perceived limits. I still have that curiosity. You have to go all in to find out. When I did, it gave me a tremendous sense of purpose and courage that would have been impossible to find out about myself had I not taken such a gamble. Does it mean success is guaranteed? No. Does it mean I won’t fail and fall flat on my face? That’s a hard no. What it does mean is that I am sure of myself and what I bring to the table in a way that I can face whatever challenge or celebration that lies around the corner.
To every woman reading this, I want you to know this: You hold within you an incredible amount of power – the power to bet on yourself. Go all in and embrace the parts of yourself just beneath the surface, waiting patiently for you. What is meant to be uncovered are the parts of yourself you thought were not enough. You are more than enough. Be curious about who you really are under the societal rules and constraints meant to keep you small. Choosing to bet on yourself is not a selfish act; it is the most selfless thing you can do. By embracing your worth and potential, you break free from expectations that don’t serve you or the highest version of yourself and begin to forge new paths of understanding who you truly are - which is powerful beyond your imagination.
Glimmers of confidence start to show up when you bet on yourself, turning the impossible into the possible. Betting on yourself is like telling the Universe that you’re ready to create from your highest potential, and the reply will always be - we’ve been waiting for you. Let’s go!
With Love,
]]>Elizabeth Brunner, Founder of StereoType Kids shares the three most significant lessons she has learned over the last three years as an entrepreneur.
It’s been three years since I launched StereoType on 11/11/2020. While I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be, I’m exactly where I need to be: gathering experience and courage along the way. This year, in particular, has been an extremely challenging trek, but like any steep incline, it can completely exhaust you, and, it can also make you stronger.
I have stated several times throughout my entrepreneurial journey that I had NO INTENTION of starting a new business when I got the idea for StereoType. I was focusing on a completely different path for myself - one that was quieter, more predictable, and much more peaceful. I would have never thought I would be where I am now, celebrating my third year in business with my young twins as my inspiration and my co-founders. But here I am. Little did I know then that a simple shift in my thinking while parenting my twins would blow my eyes and heart wide open and lead me to the idea of StereoType. Since I had no intention of starting a new business, I had to figure out how to listen to my inner voice as guidance to keep going and learn to turn my fear into courage.
I knew enough from my first business, Piece x Piece, that it wouldn’t be easy, and there would be many obstacles along the way. My resistance to starting StereoType was real and intense. I was in a battle with my head and my heart, and neither would budge. The logic for me was clear - hell no to this idea! This was not part of my “plan,” but my heart was louder than any logical thinking my brain could come up with. As I began to let the idea in a little at a time, I also had to come to terms with what this meant for me and the “plans” of what I thought I would be doing. I had to say goodbye to my intention of living a quieter life and making space for growing in a totally new way. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but as they say, nothing worth having ever is.
Here are the biggest takeaways from my three-year entrepreneurial journey so far.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
I’m like most people and prefer to be in my comfort zone at all times. I don’t like conflict and typically try to avoid situations where there’s friction. However, I now understand that staying in constant comfort comes with its own risks that keep you from achieving your goals and dreams. If I’m always comfortable and not challenged, I’m not growing and stretching, making space for a more resilient version of myself. For instance, I would describe myself as an introvert more than an extrovert, and I often struggle with how much of myself to share. I’ve learned that being an entrepreneur means tapping into an extroverted side of myself, even if I’d much rather take cover. It is such a challenge for me to step outside of my comfort zone in this way, talking about myself, telling my story, and sharing my vision on camera, on social platforms, in media articles, with my team, and really, with the world. It’s not comfortable in any way, shape, or form, but what I’m slowly learning is how to make peace with being uncomfortable and then doing it anyway.
Both the Struggle and Excitement Exist Together
At the crossroads of adversity and triumph, where challenges and inspiration collide, also lies the adventure of creative vision and excitement about bringing an idea to life. The struggle and excitement coexist harmoniously, and both are equally valuable. Looking at an obstacle and then getting excited about figuring out how to overcome it is where harmony can exist. It’s a dance between pride and defeat, success and failure. There is a yin/yang duality that can be frustrating, but it’s also a place where I find beauty and satisfaction like no other experience can bring. The push and pull are not easy, but when I can find the ability to embrace both the struggles and the joy, it creates a rewarding journey, and isn’t that what we’re here for?
Your Authentic Self Doesn't Fit Into a Box
One of the greatest joys of being an entrepreneur is the freedom to build out your vision, bring an idea to life, and be your authentic self while doing so. My twins taught me this lesson early on as a parent. Observing them as toddlers and young children, I was often struck by their natural curiosity and tenacity to be themselves no matter what. They don’t hold judgment; they don’t label or classify anything as right or wrong the way adults do; they just are. They don’t hold back or conform; they don’t pretend to be anything they are not. When I witness them being true to themselves, it reminds me to do the same. My conditioning is not who I am but who the outside world expects me to be, and I can change that at any time. When I’m encompassing various roles and responsibilities as an entrepreneur, it allows me to explore and nurture my true self and talents in many different ways. We all deserve to express ourselves authentically and shine as our unique selves. And I believe that it is our authenticity that allows us to make the most meaningful impact on the world.
Bonus Lesson! Before You Quit, Ask Yourself This One Question
When I feel defeated, want to throw in the towel, and walk away, I often ask myself this one question. What else would I be pouring my heart and soul into if I weren't doing this? I am still trying to come up with a suitable answer, at least a good enough one to walk away. Here’s the thing: if I’m pouring myself into something meaningful, what else is there to do? The alternative of not pursuing my dreams and creative passions is simply unimaginable to me, even if I need to remind myself of why I’m doing what I’m doing daily.
To sum it all up, three years in, I’m still committed to my vision. It’s hard to say where I’ll be or how I’ll feel a year from now running StereoType, and maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t need a crystal ball to tell me to take it one day at a time. I know that building a business is a marathon, not a race, and planning for the long haul is impossible if you don’t take time to stop and reflect. When overwhelm kicks in, I dig deep to keep moving, and I rely on the drive and inner guidance to keep me going. I’m on a mission, and that mission has no expiration date; it’s everlasting as long as I keep going after it. I consider myself an advocate more than I am an entrepreneur, and I’m happy with that vision of myself. I’m not advocating for individuality just for my kids but for all kids, oh, and for your individuality, too! Whether we believe it or not, we are all ever-changing, ever-evolving humans, and I genuinely love that. StereoType is all about celebrating how we are all one-of-a-kind, unique, and valuable. It’s a simple shift in thinking with profound effects. You are, I am, we are, all here to live our most authentic life, and shine bright. Know I’m here to advocate for your journey as well as mine.
With Love,
Elizabeth shares empowering insights in response to MomtoKaylee's thoughtful question about nurturing her child's unique authenticity. Dive into the latest AEA #AskElizabethAnything for valuable advice on fostering a space where kids can confidently express their true selves!
Q: Dear Elizabeth, My child is nervous about dressing outside of gender norms at school. For instance, she loves to wear her brother’s sports jersey and baggy sweatpants but only at home and never to school. She says she’s worried about what her girlfriends will say if she’s wearing ‘boy clothes’ and not the pink and purple they are used to seeing her in. How do I help support her in being confident in expressing herself authentically and being comfortable with doing so outside of the home?
-MomtoKaylee
Dear MomtoKaylee,
To start, I love that you allow (and empower) your daughter to wear her brother’s clothing without making her feel wrong about liking the way they look and feel on her. Kids are naturally curious about many things and giving her the freedom to wear what she wants to at home will give her the confidence and a sense of self that can then be translated into places outside of the home, at school and with her peers.
That being said, it’s important to let Kaylee lead the way with how she wants to present herself to her friends at school since you are not there to see the pressure she may be feeling.
While you have no problem with her wearing her brother’s clothing, it’s important to remain neutral when it comes to Kaylee expressing herself outside the safety of your home. If you want to gently encourage her to wear clothing that she seems more comfortable in at school, take her shopping in the boys sections and let her pick out a couple of new items that are just for her. And also explain to her that self-expression through clothing can be creative and fun and there are no limits on how she wants to dress and which section of the clothing store she wants to pick out items from. Empower her to pick out items that make her authentically feel good and check in with her as she mixes in new clothing about the ways that these new items make her feel. Also, share with her some helpful tips for communicating with her friends about her style evolution and how mixing it up from her usual pieces inspires her creativity and also allows her to explore new ways of expressing herself. These conversations could also give her friends and peers the permission to do the same!
Kids love to show off their new clothes and this may inspire her to step outside of her comfort zone of her usual way of dressing and into a new way of expression that is authentic to Kaylee. Keep creating a safe space for Kaylee to be whatever she wants to be and to express herself freely while also understanding that she will change and grow and her ways of dressing and self-expression will continue to evolve. The reward will be a child who knows who she is and who has internal confidence in herself – and that is priceless for her own personal growth journey.
xo,
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
]]>As a Gender Specialist, I often interact with parents and caregivers who want to raise their children with a more inclusive view of gender, but who aren’t sure how to do it. In order to simplify the process and make it less overwhelming, read on for a list of ways that you can support your child in their growth beyond the limitations of the gender binary!
Listen to your child and follow their lead
Your job as a parent or caregiver is to allow your child the space to discover themselves naturally and authentically. If you’re noticing signs that your child might be trans or gender non-conforming, it’s important that you give them the opportunity to come into themselves on their own. Ultimately, a child’s journey with gender identity is a personal one, and they deserve the space to discover themselves.
What this means for you, is that you should be a curious and supportive witness to their exploration! Let them know that you are there for them and support them regardless of their identity. No choices they make right now have permanent implications so it’s ok to let them play. Keep breathing and see if you can follow their lead on this journey.
Educate yourself on gender and sexuality
While your child needs time, space, and support to learn more about themselves, you can take some of the emotional labor off of their shoulders by doing your own research on gender and sexuality. Instead of relying on your child to define terms or explain concepts (like how to use they/them pronouns) do that work yourself! Just a simple Google search can let your child know that you care enough to learn and grow for them. Be patient with yourself as there is a lot of information and new language to get comfortable with. Consider taking a course like How To Talk To Kids About Gender; Essentials For Parents & Caregivers
Introduce gender non-conforming toys, activities, and clothes
Depending on the age of your child, you can assist them in exploring beyond the gender binary in a variety of ways. If your child is young, don’t be afraid to introduce toys and games into their life regardless of gender. Ignore the “blue for boys, pink for girls” discourse and show your child that they can play with any toys they so choose! Offering options and giving your child an opportunity to choose is a wonderful way to support their exploration.
If your child is older, you can have a conversation with them about clothing and self-presentation. Consider sharing if there are certain clothes you do or don’t like wearing and ask them how they feel about different articles of clothing. This is all an opportunity to get curious together! If they want to change their hair, or start to wear clothes from a different section of the store, support them by exploring what options are out there. Whether or not your child is showing signs of being gender expansive, letting them know that they can present themselves how they wish is a great way to support them.
Understand that Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) is NOT a thing!
One of the biggest myths to clear up about trans and gender non-conforming children and teens is the myth of ROGD. Have you read a headline or seen someone on social media talking about transness as a “trend”? Or, seen misinformation arguing that young people are somehow “catching” being trans from their friends because it’s “popular”?
Articles that support this research ignore the deeply flawed methodology of the research and present ROGD as a legitimate diagnosis, which it is not. One of the biggest ways to support your child is to know the truth behind this research and to understand that they are going through a unique journey with their gender identity, and aren’t being “influenced” by their trans peers.
Take care of yourself, too!
While your child is the one going through this journey, you are along for the ride. While beautiful, it can be a long and tiring one that leaves parents feeling like they need to have all the answers. It’s important that you stay solid in order to support them. Take care of yourself, trust your love of your child, and allow yourself time and space when you need it. This list of affirmations and tips for parents of queer and trans youth can serve as a reminder on the days you doubt yourself—don’t be ashamed to use it.
Consider Parent Coaching Support
Parents ask me all the time how they can best support their child in their journey. Some parents get the support they need from community, friends, and wonderful free resources like PFLAG. If you still have outstanding questions or want more individualized or private support, consider meeting with me for Parent Coaching.
Coaching is more active and future oriented than therapy. There is no medical framework to coaching, and our work will instead focus on bridging the gap between where you are now, and your envisioned future with you and your family.
Click here to book a 15-minute call with me to see if parent coaching is right for you.
Want to see what others have said? Check out these testimonials from real parents, just like you:
“Rebecca created a space for us to be vulnerable and offered support as we shared all our hopes and fears. Our family is thriving right now, in great part to our very fortunate connection to Rebecca Minor.”
“As a cisgender parent, I don’t always have the knowledge of LGBTQ+ issues that my child needs. Rebecca always knows just what to do, and has been a lifesaver in my child’s gender journey.”
“She has given us hope. She has helped our family find its way.”
More resources
To download a PDF of gender and sexuality terms click here.
Has a kid in your life recently come out to you? Check out my guide!
Sign up for How To Talk To Kids About Gender, the course that helps parents and caregivers have the not-so-difficult conversations that matter about gender.
By Rebecca Minor
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Rebecca Minor, MSW, LICSW is a neuroqueer, femme, clinician, consultant, and educator specializing in the intersection of trauma, gender, and sexuality. As a Gender Specialist, Rebecca partners with trans and gender nonconforming youth through their journey of becoming and is a guide to their parents in affirming it. Rebecca is part-time faculty at Boston University School of Social Work and always works through a neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed, and resilience-oriented lens. In addition to her clinical work, Rebecca has provided cultural humility training and consultation to organizations, schools, and businesses for the past decade.
]]>Elizabeth Brunner, Founder of StereoType Kids, shares how the power of the ebb and flow that is motherhood is like riding the waves of mother natures ocean, where she is forced to face her fears head on, rise to the occasion while staying balanced when the surf gets rough.
I’m terrified of the ocean, I always have been. The vastness, power, and mysterious deep blue swells. I’m certain I’ll be swallowed up if I dare dip my toes in. At the same time, I’m completely entranced by the ocean, mesmerized by its magnificent beauty and magnitude. I’m soothed by the salty air, sparkly surface, and the sound of the crashing of waves. The ocean gifts me, both fear and solace, it’s equally powerful and transformative.
Motherhood, for me, is like riding a tidal wave without really knowing how to surf. I’m forced to face my fears, rise to the occasion, and learn how to balance when things get rough. Motherhood calls me to stop gazing out at the sea and instead grab a surfboard, and ride the wild unpredictable waves. I’m honestly amazed I’ve hung on this long since it has challenged every part of who I am and continues to fling me off my balance. Like anything you’re drawn to and longing for, it compels you to keep seeking and, so I ride and hang on tight.
Like the ocean, motherhood can thrash and hurl me from my board time and time again. A relentless reminder of what little control I really have on how it all turns out.
I honor my exhaustion and my strength, as I get pulled into the undertow and somehow rise with the swells. Motherhood has forced me to show up in a way that I could have never anticipated and it continues to challenge my capacity to hold steady while surrendering to the turbulence. While it’s difficult to hang on at times, it’s also rewarding knowing that I’m doing my very best to raise good humans, and I believe I am doing just that. My kids are a physical representation of a commitment to myself to be brave, to keep expanding, and to keep going.
Sometimes I find myself on the shore, with the warm sun shining bright as I enjoy the view and catch my breath. When my kids and I are in sync, there is harmony in our togetherness. Those are the best days, but they are not predictable or can be planned on, so I savor these moments. There’s no forcing, no controlling, no expectation, there is ease and surrender. On those days I dig my toes into the warm sand, let the earth ground me and I find my center again. Even though it may be a short rest until I’m called back into the surf, I give gratitude for the respite and nourishment.
I don’t think I’ll ever have motherhood completely figured out, but I know that I’m brave enough to keep facing all the twists and turns it offers up daily and that’s enough for me. I may not be the best surfer out there, but I am relentless in my quest to get stronger, stand up and balance the best that I can.
Here’s to all the moms riding the waves and doing their damn best to raise good humans. Grab your boards and meet me out in the surf, I’ll save you a spot.
xo,
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
Elizabeth Brunner, Founder of StereoType Kids, shares how 2023's Women's Month theme of Embracing Equity is a main pillar for the brand. Equity leads to Equality and that inspires and empowers us ALL.
When I started StereoType my mission was to challenge and change gender norms for my own kids so they wouldn’t have to deal with a world that refused to see them as equal individuals. It’s an enormous task to try and change the outside world for your kids, but I could not accept the current reality that was reflecting a limit for one child over another.
Being a mom of girl-boy twins, I was always hyper aware that they are seen and treated differently outside of our home. I remember walking to the grocery store with my son when he was about 6 months old. He was strapped to my chest in a carrier while my daughter was home with a caretaker. It was my chance to spend some one-on-one bonding time with him rather than the normal chaos of managing a double-wide stroller in a very small space. As I roamed the isles collecting groceries a woman approached me with a warm smile and said, “What a beautiful baby is it a boy or girl?” I told her it was a boy and her reaction was, “you are very blessed to have a son.” I didn’t think much of it at the time, so I smiled and moved on but thinking back on this exchange, I understand the idea of having a son in her mind was more valuable than having a daughter. This could have been because of cultural differences or just her own way of thinking, but for me it was the beginning of noticing how my son and daughter were treated differently based on their gender, even as babies.
When we talk about equality we have to start from childhood, and the ways we’ve been taught and even conditioned to think that we are not equal to the opposite gender.
The seed is planted very young in girls, babies even. We are taught at a young age that we have fit into a mold and we must stay within parameters, and never question or stray from them. It’s reflected in the outside world too, we have a “role” to play and we must not upset or question the status quo. We have to be “good girls” and never make a fuss but rather go on without complaint.
Expectations of women and girls are wildly impossible to live up to while also being extremely limiting in giving us space to explore who we truly are. It can feel impossible to embrace equality when we as women are handed a script instead of pen and paper to write our own story. But here’s the thing, we can rewrite the script anytime.
The best way to support equality is to start in the home with ourselves and our own family.
Our kids are great at leveling the playing field since they are naturally curious and know what they are innately drawn to without overthinking it. They don’t label the way we do as adults, they love what they love and that’s all the information they need. They don’t get bogged down with limiting thoughts of what is for boys versus girls - they simply remove any need to define and simply follow their interests. It’s a lesson for all of us in letting go of what “we think” is right versus wrong based on what we’ve been taught to believe. How can we as adults adjust our own way of thinking so we become an advocate not just for our kids but ourselves? How can embracing equality be a quality that bonds us as humans instead of separating us into genders? If we are willing to reflect on our own limiting beliefs then we can start to unpeel the layers that make up a foundation that may need retrofitting.
While the outside world doesn’t always reflect the kind of equality we wish to have for ourselves or our children, we have the power to create equality in our own homes. If you are raising kids to value themselves for who they are authentically then it makes sense to balance out the equation by teaching them about equality. When we create an environment where we are equal in value as humans living on this planet, we remove the need to create labels. The role is simply to be as is, and to allow the unknown of who you are to be known by following a natural course of self-discovery. It’s a daily quest of listening to the inside instead of being propelled by the outside world and what it tells you to be and do to.
For me personally, it’s been a process of understanding that it's not my job to mold and shape my children, it’s my job to support them as they discover their own individual identities. They are not my project, they do not exist to fulfill a vision or dream I have for them. I’ve shifted myself to understand that equality truly means that they are equal in value and should be defined by no-one, only themselves. It’s not an easy mountain to climb because it means questioning everything I’ve been taught to believe. However the peaks are expansive and the view is breathtaking once you realize that your efforts are worth those precious moments of seeing in a whole new way. It’s not just for your kids, but for the child in you that still exists in a space of wanting to know more. It’s not too late to create a new way of thinking for yourself, a new world of true equality.
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
]]>Elizabeth Brunner, Founder of StereoType Kids, and supermom of twins shares 5 ways motherhood is a big beautiful mess and how to make peace with mom-overload.
Can I be honest? Motherhood can be beautiful. And also a stressful, frustrating, maddening glorious mess.
At least that’s how I would describe it for myself. Raising 9-year-old girl/boy twins I can tell you that I need at least 3 more of me to meet all their needs. Since cloning myself isn’t an option, I make do with the solo version of mothering and cut myself some slack - when I remember to. It’s a work in progress but one that is worth every single effort.
Here are 5 ways motherhood is a big beautiful mess and how I make peace with mom-overload:
Mothering is a process, not an event, meaning we are learning as we go. Some days my kids and I are in the flow but oftentimes we are not. It’s a constant adjustment of my expectations and of letting go - while also loving exactly what is. I understand that I’m learning to mother every-single-day and I’ll never have it completely down and that’s okay. It takes a practice of appreciating how far we’ve come and awareness of caring for ourselves exactly where we are on our mothering path. It’s all a beautiful glorious mess.
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
]]>Elizabeth addresses a heartfelt question from MomOfThree, struggling with supporting her son's interest in dressing outside of gender norms. Elizabeth offers empowering insights on navigating parental feelings, understanding personal biases, and creating a space where kids can express themselves authentically. Don't miss this enlightening discussion on embracing uniqueness and fostering genuine acceptance!
Q: Dear Elizabeth, I want to support my kids in everything they do, but sometimes I have difficulty getting behind them when they want to wear or do something outside of gender norms. For instance, my son loves nail polish, barrettes in his hair, and hearts on his clothes, and he will sometimes ask to put on my make-up. I know he’s just having fun playing dress-up, but it bothers me that he’s not into ‘boy things’ or any of the clothes that I pick out for him. I want to support him, but sometimes it’s hard for me to accept that he’s not a ‘typical boy.’ How do I support my son while also dealing with my feelings about his preference for dressing? Is this just a phase?
— Mom of Three
Dear Mom of Three,
I appreciate your honesty with this question. Before we even have kids, we have an idea or a vision about what they might be like or how we might be with them, and when those ideas clash, it can be challenging to move through them. Often we put our kids in tight parameters when it comes to them expressing themselves without even realizing it. Sometimes when a child expresses an interest outside of his or her gender norms we can get triggered by an old belief or judgement that we never thought to question before. However, this is a great learning (and un-learning) opportunity for you on why you might hold a specific belief or way of thinking regarding what your son is showing interest in.
To understand yourself a little better, ask yourself questions about why your son wearing nail polish and barrettes in his hair really bothers you. Is it because you don’t think it’s right for boys to wear ‘girl things’ or maybe is it because you want him to be the way you imagined him to be? If you can start to unpack why it bothers you, you can understand your feelings around your son's choices and begin to shift to what you see when your son is wearing things he’s naturally drawn to rather than how it makes you feel. For instance, what do you see when your son wears his heart clothing or has his hair in barrettes? Is he smiling, happy, or expressing joy? Is he excited, and does it show? This can give us as parents a point of reference when we feel the knee-jerk reaction to step in and ‘correct’ based on our own ideas. Remember, kids also model the interests of those in the home, so if he sees you putting on make-up and doing your hair and you feel good after doing so, he will notice and wonder why the rules are different for him.
Get curious and ask your son questions about what he likes about nail polish and hearts. How does it make him feel? Chances are you’ll learn a lot about why they make him happy. It could be a phase or it could be a lifelong interest. Either way, our kids need to know one thing to really thrive and feel accepted: that they are loved exactly as they are by their parents and that’s going to empower them to express themselves authentically out in the world.
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
]]>Stereotypes exist everywhere, but particularly about children and gender roles. Stereotypes about how boys and girls should behave, what they should play, what subjects they excel in at school, how they should express themselves, and how they should look and dress. These stereotypes ignore the spectrum of genders and harm the total well-being of children. That being said, now there are more and more resources, awareness, and outlets to break stereotypes and for kids to express themselves authentically. However, children still need to be given the tools to equip themselves against harmful stereotypes, so that they can grow up to be confident and resilient human beings. As a parent, my inherent responsibility is to give my son the tools to navigate the world while he stays authentic to himself.
My son has long hair, thick lashes, and has an affinity for dressing in clothing that is traditionally considered girl’s clothes
He does not distinguish between genders when he chooses his outfits and accessories. Rowan enjoys wearing a full Warriors basketball outfit, as much as he enjoys wearing a poofy dress with a giant bow. He has long, silky hair that has to be tied up in a ponytail to keep it out of his face. He will often accessorize his hair with bows and clips because they are fun and he feels special wearing them.
We went to the mall recently and I absently picked up a child’s holiday party dress and put it back on the rack. I looked at Rowan and he had hearts in his eyes. We ended up buying it for him and later he asked, “Mommy, was the dress in the boys or girls section?” I told him it was in neither section but explained that most people would assume it was in the girl’s section. I usually no longer correct strangers when they misgender my son and I never justify his choice of attire or long hair. Doing so would affirm the stereotypes people have about genders and clothing choices and make Rowan feel like he is doing something wrong by wearing a dress. It’s only when I see that Rowan feels uncomfortable being called, “sweetie,” “darling” and other uncalled for names strangers throw at girls, that I feel the need to say something.
What is most important is that my son does not feel offended, ashamed, or embarrassed when people misgender him. So far, he says it doesn’t bother him when strangers call him a girl. However, he does take offense to friends and loved ones teasing him about his clothing choices. As humans, we desire unconditional acceptance from our loved ones and the teasing can make us feel like there is something wrong with us. In the case of friends and family, it takes a lot of intentional conversations about Rowan’s clothing choices and stirring the conversation away from outer appearances. I also apologize to my son on the behalf of the offending family member to reassure him that he has nothing to feel ashamed about and that others have limited awareness about how their words can hurt people.
Here are some tools that I’ve equipped Rowan in navigating non-gendered dressing:
Knowing that I cannot always be present to rescue and defend Rowan, we’ve worked on appropriate responses that he can use in these circumstances. He uses phrases such as:
“I feel awesome in these clothes.”
“Boys can wear dresses too.”
“Why are you wearing pants?”
“I’m a boy with long hair.”
“Boys wear dresses and have long hair in many different cultures.”
Rowan is being raised in a very accepting environment where most children and adults are beginning to understand that the outer appearance is just an expression and doesn’t have much to do with gender. He understands that being called a girl is not an insult or anything to be embarrassed about, but that some people have outdated views on what a girl and boy should look like.
As a society, we all have the responsibility to build a more accepting and inclusive world. The journey of childhood to adulthood is about discovery, curiosity, and authenticity. Stereotypes hinder those core principles. At the end of the day, I have learned that I cannot control how others react or what they say, but I can keep loving my son unconditionally for who he truly is and give him the tools he needs to thrive. I am raising an empowered child with a good understanding about dismantling gender stereotypes. By challenging stereotypes about genders, we can build an inclusive and safer future.
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Nimisha Gandhi is mom to Rowan. She is also a functional and Ayurvedic nutritionalist located in San Francisco. In the latest blog post Nimisha shares a tool kit she created and practices with Rowan to help him navigate the world by staying true to himself, and that also supports her child’s exploration in self expression. Find her on Instagram @mooncyclenutrition
]]>Elizabeth Brunner, Founder of StereoType Kids, shares how she has learned to trust her instincts, step outside of her comfort zone, buckle up tight and enjoy the wild ride during the 2 years of running her business.
Lean Into Leading
If you’re willing to start a business then you must have courage to lead it. That said, finding that courage takes a lot of effort and willingness to head into the unknown. When I had the idea for StereoType it wasn’t easy for me to come around to the idea of actually starting and launching a new business. It was a slow process of believing that I actually could. I had major doubts about my ability to conquer the vision that was calling me so loudly. I had to unravel what I thought I knew about myself and what I “thought” I could do and start to push beyond my comfort zone. It’s not easy but I’m learning to lead with courage while accepting that there is so much that I don’t yet know or can plan for. It is a delicate dance of leaning in and letting go.Challenge the Norms
When you question the status quo you get a deeper understanding of what no longer works for you and that awareness is very transformative. StereoType is all about breaking through boundaries that no longer hold the same value they once did, while also celebrating individuality. When I started to align with what felt true to me, a doorway to creativity and imagination opened up, allowing me to meet myself in a whole new way. Through the process of unlearning old norms, stereotypes and self-imposed limitations I started to uncover and relearn. When I began removing labels that no longer reflected me or my beliefs, I uncovered who I actually am.Design Your Life
I remember vividly the day I realized I couldn’t keep up with the typical entrepreneurial lifestyle and devote every bit of my extra time to building my business. I was sitting in my studio working on a bunch of deadlines that felt overwhelming and impossible to accomplish. My heart was racing and I felt like I was slipping into the deep end unable to swim out. Then I realized I was holding the lifejacket and I just needed to put it on. I understood at that moment that I was in control of how I wanted my business to fit into my life. It was freeing to know that I can trust myself to build a business the way that suited me and the way that I wanted to live my life – and disregard the rest.Trust Yourself Completely
This was a really big lesson for me. In the land of start-up, everything is a question mark and it can be easy to look outside of yourself for validation and confirmation that you are moving in the right direction. But what I learned throughout my journey (both personally and professionally) is that trusting myself should always come first. I’m not suggesting that new entrepreneurs shouldn’t ask for help, advice or mentorship (actually you absolutely have to as an entrepreneur) but when it comes down to really making a choice about the next right step, always listen to yourself first. When I started to trust my intuition and answer my own questions, I began to understand that everything would work out how it’s supposed to. After that things began to flow easier. Part of that trust in myself was also practicing being OK with making mistakes because after all not every decision will get me where I thought it would. Accepting and knowing that gives me some breathing room.Have Fun
I often find myself laughing at just how deep I'm into building my brand and still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. While starting a business is one thing, keeping it going is quite another. I’ve really learned to laugh at the adventure I’m on and appreciate the moments that are challenging. Given that it’s my story to tell the world, why not have fun along the way and truly enjoy all of the twists and turns to this unfolding story. After all, as the wise ones say, it’s all about enjoying the journey and not the destination.
There have been many highs and lows during my first two years in business, but I can honestly tell you that the highs outweigh the lows and it all has to do with perspective. I am proud of what I am building and the mission I am on to support individuality, not just for kids but for everyone. My goal is to share my mission with the world by showing up everyday to make it a reality. Showing up can be the hardest part, but I know that I’m committed to keeping that promise to myself. My kids have been my best teachers and they are helping me build and grow this business in a way I could not have imagined two years ago. I’ve even officially made them the co-founders of the brand earlier this year. They are literally the DNA of StereoType and after seeing how they’ve enjoyed being such a big part of the journey over the past few years, it only made sense to give them the opportunity to be a bigger part of the brand.
Another project that I am really excited about bringing to life is a children’s book that shares the mission and fun of StereoType, that will be published in 2023. We also have our sights set on starting a non-profit organization in 2023 that focuses on the needs of kids in underserved, overlooked and vulnerable communities. Our team is small but mighty and we are spreading the mission of StereoType far and wide – and we are just getting started!
We hope you stick with us as we build and grow our brand, impact kids and parents with our mission and share our vision with the world. Here’s to two years and many more!
xo,
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
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Dear Clothing-Curious,
I would love to describe blended fashion in more detail. Let me start with how I came up with it as a term blended fashion. When I first had the idea for StereoType it was with a simple vision of removing barriers around clothing that don’t really exist in what boys and girls “should” wear. After watching my then very young twins picking out their own clothing from each other’s dressers, I found so much joy in witnessing the combinations they would put together. It didn’t matter if the clothes were made for boys or girls, they wore what they were attracted to and were totally happy doing it. I also didn’t stop them or “correct” their clothing choices, they picked clothing based on what they were drawn to.
It made me pause and think about what they were really doing, and it inspired me to also be bolder when it comes to dressing. I started to realize that blending both masculine and feminine clothes together as a more “blended look” is so much fun! I did a photoshoot recently to show how to dress in a blend of gendered clothing to create a look that is truly your own.
Our kids are the best teachers when it comes to dressing. So let them pick out what they want to wear regardless of the gender it’s intended for and don’t hold them back. You don’t have to spend money to try a blended look either if you do a clothing swap with a friend, sibling, or neighbor. You could even open up your own closet and ask your kids to pick out what they love. I promise you, it will be so insightful and fun to see what they are drawn to. Kids know instinctively what they love regardless of who it was made for and I think we can all take a lesson in picking out clothing that makes you feel good and brings you joy.
BE BOLD, and HAVE FUN!
xo,
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
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Elizabeth addresses a concern close to every parent's heart. BackToSchoolMom seeks guidance on supporting her son's desire to wear a dress to school, navigating the balance between acceptance at home and potential challenges in the outside world. Elizabeth shares personal experiences, offering valuable advice on fostering courage and resilience in the face of societal norms. Discover how to empower your child's self-expression amidst the complexities of the school environment.
Q: Dear Elizabeth, my son has been wearing dresses and skirts at home all summer. He loves wearing them and how they make him feel. I support this but now he says he wants to wear a dress for back-to-school and I’m not sure if his school friends and even other parents/teachers will be as accepting. I don’t want him to be bullied or made to feel “different” because he likes what he does. How do I support my son but also protect him from a not so nice outside world?
- Backtoschoolmom
Dear Back to School Mom,
I understand exactly how you feel. My son also loves to wear dresses and when he wanted to wear them to school I resisted at first and even told him no a couple of times. However, over time I began to realize that my fear for my son being perceived as “different” or labeled in any way was my own projection of what I thought others might think or say about him. I also started to understand that loving Jacob fully meant supporting every thing he loves that lights him up inside. I would watch my son playing in dresses and skirts and he was so full of joy, there was no denying the connection he felt to what he was wearing and I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that.
Of course the outside world is a different place and I understand your dilemma of at home dressing vs outside your home. What I would suggest is really thinking about how important it is to your son to wear what he wants. Kids really want autonomy when it comes to dressing, even at a young age and as parents and caregivers we think we know what’s “best” for our kids but we often overshadow and control. If your son is adamant about wearing a dress to school I would support him in doing so and be brave enough to show your son he should wear what he loves. You might experience some side glances and even some whispers but proudly walk your son to school and tell him how great he looks. The only praise and support he really needs is from you no matter what the experience is for him away from you. You have the power to keep your son grounded in knowing you support him 100%. He may have some negative experiences but you can hold him steady by supporting his own expression. It’s important that he knows he has you in his corner no matter what. It takes courage to be yourself and your son should feel proud to wear what makes him feel good. We all should!
Be brave! Your son is counting on you.
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
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People are quick to label children- good, bad, pretty, handsome, loud, shy, impatient, kind, mean, sweet, trouble-maker, creative, bookish, prankster, different, and so on. I think underneath all those labels, people forget that kids are just kids and they don’t live by these definitions of themselves. My son can exhibit all of those adjectives in one day! However, when children are constantly met with these descriptions of themselves, they start to believe them as their defining characteristics and it can be very limiting in their growth and confidence. Studies show these labels have life-long impacts on a person’s self-esteem and mental health.
I am often told that it’s wonderful that I allow my son, Rowan, to wear dresses and accessories. I know people mean well when they say that- they are applauding my parenting and bravery! However, they are also implying that it is ultimately my choice and not Rowan’s in how he expresses himself. Ultimately, it’s not my choice. My job is to guide him and to make sure he is making safe and appropriate choices when it comes to his fashion. For instance, wearing a long dress on a hike or a snowsuit in a heatwave could be dangerous and inappropriate.
As a parent, it is my job to ensure Rowan’s physical and emotional well-being in the present and long-term. Rowan is happier and has an extra pep to his step when he wears dresses, sparkly shoes, and accessorizes with bows, necklaces, and bangles. I feel like it would be cruel to take that away from him because I would be denying a part of him that wants to be seen. Rowan affirmatively claims that he is a boy who likes wearing dresses. He proudly states, “Wearing a dress does not make you a boy or girl!”.
Recognizing that he just wants to be himself and have the freedom to explore empowers me to go against the norm and fill his wardrobe with what is typically considered girl clothing.
One of the biggest ways I empower Rowan to express himself authentically is to let him pick out his clothes when we are shopping. I let him roam the different clothing sections and not limit him to just the “boys” section of the store. By giving him freedom on how he dresses helps build his confidence and take ownership of his choices. I also invite him to join me when I am getting ready and he keeps his own jewelry box next to mine.
Regardless of what Rowan wears, he is often misgendered and referred to as “she/her.” I have honest conversations about how he feels about being misgendered and how others react to his clothing choices and hair length. I’ve taught him to speak up for himself and to teach others about stereotypes. The wonderfully surprising thing is that most children get Rowan’s gender correct and it’s often the older adults who have a hard time.
I believe today’s children are fluid and accepting because they are not constrained by gender stereotypes and clothing is slowly becoming degendered. Given the freedom, children can explore their creativity without it defining their gender or locking them down one way or the other. Fashion is an essential part of identity, positive self-esteem, and pushing limits confidently.
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Nimisha Gandhi is mom to Rowan. She is also a functional and Ayurvedic nutritionalist located in San Francisco. In the latest blog post Nimisha shares a tool kit she created and practices with Rowan to help him navigate the world by staying true to himself, and that also supports her child’s exploration in self expression. Find her on Instagram @mooncyclenutrition
]]>Our Founder Elizabeth Brunner was interviewed by FEMCITY® to talk about her inspiration for starting StereoType with the goal to challenge and change stereotypes that no longer serve us, as parents and as individuals.
I founded StereoType, a gender-free kid’s clothing brand inspired by my boy-girl twins, to challenge and change stereotypes that no longer serve us, as parents and as individuals.
The StereoType is not just about designing and selling clothing, my mission is to inspire people to move beyond a barrier that doesn't really exist and to be themselves. That’s what my kids taught and continue to teach me about fashion and dressing beyond gender norms and I want to pass the lesson and that freedom along to others. I’m excited to share this evolving idea and inspire other parents to empower their kids to express themselves truly and authentically through their clothing, and not be afraid of it. Kids deserve to have fun, get creative, play and show up authentically as they are through their clothing choices.
What was the inspiration to start this business?
StereoType was inspired by my boy-girl twins and their love for sharing their clothes. Watching them dress themselves when they were really young, I was in awe of the way they joyfully broke all the ‘rules’ of gendered clothing, blending their wardrobes together with a sense of style that could only be described as ‘free-for-all.’ My daughter has always felt most comfortable digging around in the dirt in her dinosaur shorts, while my son gets pure joy from twirling around in skirts and dresses. As I watched my kids create their own ‘blended style’ mixing and matching items from each other’s closets, I myself started to unlearn all of the rules of gendered fashion that I collected throughout my life. I created StereoType as a way for me to share the joy that my kids have experienced in creating their ‘blended fashion’ with their wardrobes and to advocate for self-expression of all humans, especially the small ones. By breaking fashion rules and disregarding the boundaries we put around what boys and girls should wear, we encourage a more playful, creative, expressive sense of self for everyone.
When you started your business, did you ever envision that you would be where you are now?
No, I didn’t. I had to talk myself into starting my business in the first place because I was envisioning a totally different life for myself and I knew this brand would take me somewhere completely different. StereoType is my calling and after grappling with it for a while I decided that I could no longer ignore the call. I’m so glad I did because I'm creating my vision which is fun and exciting! It doesn’t mean it’s all easy, but I’m moving beyond what I thought I was capable of and pushing myself beyond those edges. Starting a business from scratch is not for the faint of heart but it’s worth every single ounce of effort for me.
Was there ever a time that things didn't fall into place, struggles, or challenges? What were they and how did you get passed it and grow from the experience?
All the time! In a new business especially there are always struggles and challenges because you’re learning on the job. The biggest challenge I have is not reacting negatively and getting frustrated when something doesn’t go the way I thought it would and giving myself grace to understand that it’s all a part of the learning process. I can put a lot of pressure on myself to get it all “right” but what I’m understanding is that there is no right or wrong and it’s all about the journey and the lessons that come along the way. When things don’t go “as planned” I know it’s just the Universe telling me to trust the process and have faith. I can be disappointed but I always remind myself that it’s all part of the bigger picture and part of the journey of creating a business from scratch.
What was the biggest lesson you learned while starting and growing this business?
To be patient with myself. There is so much I don’t know and it's okay. While it can be terrifying not knowing all the answers I’ve learned that I can trust myself and my instincts which is empowering. I’ve also learned to design my business around my life and not my life around my business. That gives me peace of mind knowing that I’m in full control and can pull back when things feel too overwhelming. My kids help keep things in check too.
What would you tell a fem that is struggling in her business and feel like it's too difficult?
Go easy on yourself and take things one step at a time. When I’m feeling really stressed over my business I remind myself not everything is urgent even if it feels like it is. I’m running the show so I give myself time to figure out what is not working at the moment instead of rushing to make a decision. Also, just one long deep breath can be a game-changer during stressful or challenging moments, so don’t forget to breathe consciously.
What continues to inspire you to keep on growing your business?
I feel that it’s my moral obligation to do this business and that’s the truth and I am not just doing this for my kids but for all kids. I also have so many ideas that I want to see come to fruition that I have to keep going. It's exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time but it’s mine to create and that is the ultimate dream come true.
Final advice for those thinking of starting a business or looking to grow their current business? Listen to your heart. Starting a business and keeping a business are going to require A LOT from you. The drive for your business has to sit in your heart in order for you to really align with what you’re truly building. You can’t fake it, it has to be real because the ups and downs of running a business will be a wild ride.
We are excited to highlight community members like Dínea Elliott-Collins and her beautiful & inspiring family @ladyboisandbabyboy that are raising their family with authentic love for each other while supporting their individuality.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I believe there to be no undertaking more significant. My spouse and I planned every detail around the arrival of our child and the incorporation of them into our family. When we thought about the kind of person we wanted to raise we continually circled back to someone who was healthy, independent, happy and free. Then we thought about what we must do in order to ensure our child was all of those things. We found that to be successful at providing our child an upbringing that would fully encourage these attributes to take root we’d have to become more open, more educated and get even more comfortable with rejecting stereotypes.
Our child has two moms who routinely get told we don’t appear to be mothers. For us, having worked so hard to grow our family, it doesn’t feel like a compliment when we don’t get identified as moms or welcomed into motherly spaces simply because we don’t present ourselves the way a stereotypical mom would. My spouse and I both favor androgynous fashion and we want our children to feel complete creative freedom around their identities and presentations so we continue to model that no matter how uncomfortable we’ve been made to feel at times.
It’s vitally important to me that my kids will know whoever they are is worthy of my love and acceptance and that I support their right to make whatever victim-free choices they feel they must to keep themselves unbound and their lives healthy and happy.
Whatever they want to wear, who they’ll want to date, what religion they’ll choose, what gender identity they’ll settle into, they’ll have the right to explore it all on their own terms and with the proper guidance when needed–; that’s something I could only dream of when I was a kid.
As a child it was TLC, Missy Elliott, Queen Latifah and DaBrat who motivated me and inspired my style but I completely lacked any social or cultural affirmation and was led to believe the things that made me feel and look my best were potentially harmful to me. As a Black queer woman I spent many years fighting to be my authentic self and be accepted, it’s what’s motivated me to ensure my family doesn’t have to endure the same emotional hardship without support. Finding and helping build community with organizations like @parentxhood has also helped immensely with that motivation. Creating bonds and memories with other Black LGBTQ+ moms who look like my spouse and I, taking trips with families structured like our’s, having our child a part of a community that makes him feel blessed and special for having two moms instead of shameful, it truly made an unquantifiable difference in our lives.
I’ve found a sense of support and a sense of belonging to help keep me fortified when society tells me the way I represent motherhood is unsavory.
Breaking the stereotypes that help deny me seats at tables where I very clearly belong is easier to do when I have community back up representing the same way that I do and just as loudly, it’s been helping me sleep better at night, it’s a true comfort. Living my truth at all costs and representing that for my children makes me feel like I’m laying the proper foundation for their self-love and self-esteem. I’m a parent who’s become very comfortable being vocal about why many stereotypes we hold so dearly are rooted in prejudice and meeting more parents like myself gives me hope for a brighter more inclusive future. The world becomes healthier and safer for everyone when we open ourselves up to the value in creating space for people to exist as they are and be respected.
My partner and I have so much pride in the family that we’ve built and the community we love and thrive in. We want to show our child that they are safe and accepted to be whoever they want to be, and that is, who they are now is always a very beautiful thing.
Contributed and written By Dínea Elliott-Collins
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As part of the Unlabeled series, StereoType will share raw and authentic stories and perspectives from parents and caregivers of diverse backgrounds. These individuals have challenged their own stereotypes, leading to mindful transformations in their quest for a closer connection with their children. Unlabeled will spotlight stories of learning, breakdowns, breakthroughs, and transformations as parents and caregivers strive to become more attuned to themselves during their parenting journey.
]]>Ever felt camera shy? You're not alone! In this Q+A Elizabeth addresses CameraShy's struggle with self-image in photos and shares empowering ideas to model a positive self image. Explore tips on reframing compliments, embracing the joy captured in moments, and turning the camera into a fun, confidence-building tool. Say goodbye to cringing and hello to capturing cherished memories!
Q: Dear Elizabeth, I really hate seeing myself in photos. I know this is “my problem,” but my tweens are beginning to notice that I cringe when they point a camera toward me. Thoughts to model a good body image when I’m not feeling it.
— CameraShy
Dear Camera Shy,
I understand this dilemma completely! I’m usually pretty camera shy too and would rather be behind the camera than in front of it. Since launching StereoType, however, I’ve had to learn to step in front of the camera and share a different side of myself. It’s been a work in progress to get comfortable with it. I think we can all be overly critical of how we look, especially in this day and age of photo filters that can trick us all into thinking we have to look “perfect” to make any photo worthy of keeping, sharing or posting.
Instead of focusing on how you look when you see yourself in a photo, focus on how you were feeling. And the same goes for when you look through photos of yourself with your kids. Instead of always saying, you look nice or you look pretty, think about compliments that aren’t focused on appearance: you look like you were having so much fun! Or you look confident! And you can learn to apply those compliments to the photos you see of yourself, even the ones that might not be saved as your favorites.The words you use to describe yourself are what your kids are hearing. They are not seeing the weird shirt you chose to wear that day or the grimace you see on your face. They are seeing you hug your partner tightly or you smiling widely while watching your kids jump off the high dive.
Even though your initial instinct might be to hide when the camera comes out. One way to help get over that “cringe” you feel when a camera is pointed at you is to start taking selfies. You don’t have to share them, you can just take a lot of pics of yourself when you’re feeling good and look at them with a gentle objective eye, and focus on what you do like about yourself in the photos.
Selfies can give you that control and that editorial eye to remind you of everything you do like about yourself. Once you have a handful of photos you like, start taking selfies with your kids. Do it on your watch and show your kids and tweens a fun side by making silly faces and getting a little goofy while also snapping a pic or two that is more polished. After some practice in front of the camera — and with your kids — you’ll start to realize that being in front of the camera isn’t too terrible. Bonus! You’ll have lots of great pics with your kids that you will always cherish and they will too. Happy picture taking!
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
]]>Clothing tells a story as well as helps us express to the world how we feel on the inside. Which is why we always felt like ‘gender-neutral’ clothing — the muted, blues, grays and yellow — didn’t necessarily speak to kids who wanted their clothing to be bright and expressive. Sure, gender-neutral basics have their place in the closet, but where were the clothes boys and girls could grab when they wanted to be the biggest, brightest, version of themselves? Clothing that was more expansive than the princess dresses and superhero masks commonly found in the dress-up box.
This is the reason why StereoType designed the Hero Skirt and Cape.
Like my twins, it’s twice the fun and the possibilities for play and imagination are endless. This piece was imagined, designed, printed and sewn in San Francisco, something we are very proud of. The idea came about as I watched my girl/boy twins playing and changing characters right before my eyes. One minute they are pretending to be a superhero and the next a fairytale princess. Created for playtime, the Hero Skirt and Cape is also the perfect addition to bring along for everyday adventures.
But more than that, we are breaking a bias that no longer belongs in childhood expression and experiences. The notion that skirts are only for girls and heroes only for boys is antiquated and limits a child's imagination and growth. The Hero Skirt and Cape invites kids to express themselves however they like, period. Boys can be princesses and girls can be superheroes. They can be both – sometimes at the same time. We removed the stereotypical gender labels but not the sparkles, the twirls and the magic that comes with wearing the clothes that reflect how kids feel on the inside.
We often talk about kids playing pretend. But what if it’s not so much playing pretend as an outward expression and manifestation of what they feel on the inside? A state of being in the present moment. What if kids weren’t just playing superheroes, but actually channeling the superhero or princess within that demands an outward expression?
Bottom line: For kids, playing is serious business
And that’s why we created the Cape and Skirt combo that is ready to go from the dress-up box to the real world, to handle serious imagination and can be passed down to siblings or friends.
For us, it was also important to create a playtime item that can grow with kids, and doesn’t get “too short” or “too small” and that is multi-functional. As toddlers grow into the little kid years and little kids evolve into big kids, the Hero Skirt evolves right along side them. At StereoType, we know that playtime doesn’t have an expiration date, (nor should it) and it’s important to have clothes that grow and elevate as dreams and identities do too.
But the one thing that stays the same: All kids have the power to be heroes and princesses, plus anything in-between. Just as it should be.
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Ready to create your own fairytale? Our transformative Skirt/Cape Combo is here to elevate playtime and unleash the hero within. Shop the Hero Skirt here.
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In the spirit of 2022's Women's month theme "Break the Bias" and Celebrating Women’s History Month Through Fashion
Women we honor and celebrate on International Women’s Day and during Women’s History Month are all incredible females who in their unique ways defied stereotypes. They were able to go against the grain and be authentically themselves, and in doing so, blazed a trail for the women, girls, men, boys, and nonbinary folks here today. In other words, by breaking stereotypes, women in history weren’t just able to make an impact and create opportunities for other women, but we’re also able to create opportunities for everyone to be authentically who they are, no matter the gender.
As we tell stories about groundbreaking and trailblazing women, as we celebrate the women who have come before us and the women who are creating the world we are living in, I think about how those women must have had to break out of their comfort zones and stand courageously in their truth. How were they able to find those parts of themselves, and what did it take for them to express themselves and take a stand for what they believed in?
These ideas led me to go down the Google rabbit hole and learn more about the history of women wearing pants. Seems like such a small thing, wearing pants. And yet so much bravery had to be collected for that simple wardrobe choice just a few centuries ago. In the 18th and 19th century, European women could be arrested simply for wearing pants because they were deemed indecent and inappropriate to be worn under dresses. Eventually many women did adopt wearing pants, and entire uniforms to slip into Army service so making what seems like a simple wardrobe choice changed women’s fashion forever. Just a piece of clothing — was such a huge, bold move.
I reflect on the idea of women wearing pants and how impactful this action once was (and still is!). At a photoshoot recently for new headshots, I slipped on a blazer, a tie and slacks and took some photos that showcased me embodying “blended fashion” as a style, a way to dress beyond my norms. It felt different to put together a more masculine look than my typical t-shirt and jeans, and I was surprised at how powerful and vulnerable I felt in doing so, all at the same time.
When we break stereotypes, we tap into our true authentic nature, who we really are
Being vulnerable to open up and discover is power. Courage is power. Confidence is power. Any moment where we show up as authentically ourselves is power. That empowerment can be found in a blazer or a dress, a sweater or a suit - sometimes all at once! It’s aligning our outsides to match our insides and exist in all of the beauty and complexity as humans. I’m humbled, in awe, and inspired to continue to find ways to break out of my own stereotypes — and encourage my kids to do the same.
Of course, today we live in a world where women wear pants. And now, thanks to more fearless stereotype breaking, we live in a world where boys and men can wear skirts too. Clothes may seem like a minor detail, but they can also change the world - our internal and external world - by allowing ourselves to express authentically and how we want to show up in the world. And as we celebrate Women’s History Month, I’m grateful to the women who came before me, who were able to break through stereotypes, courageously wear a pair of pants, and step into their authenticity.
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
]]>Love starts with you — breaking stereotypes on Valentine’s Day!
At StereoType, we love love in all its forms. But sometimes, the stereotypes around Valentine’s Day can get tricky. After all, the red-and-pink aisles in any store seem to promote one of two ideas of what love looks like. On one hand, it’s an all-inclusive “everyone gets a Valentine” love. On the other, it’s an exclusive bond between two people — that, by its nature, leaves everyone else out.
As kids begin to have the power to choose which kids they wish to give Valentines to and become aware of the concept of dating, Valentine’s Day can make it seem like “grown up” love is dependent on one singular person in your orbit.
Which is why, this Valentine’s Day, we’re exploring the concept of self-love a little more deeply. Because when you love yourself, you can love the world and a special someone.
Here are some ways to lean into love this season:
Written by Anna Davies
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Anna Davies is an award-winning writer, editor and content strategist. She has written for The New York Times, New York, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Elle, Parents and others. She is a proud solo mama to her 7-year-old daughter, Lucy, and lives in the New York City area.
In this 2 for 1 Q+A, Elizabeth addresses two distinct yet universal parenting concerns. Let'sAllBeFriends seeks advice on their daughter's exclusive preference for girl friendships, while IStillWanttoChoose grapples with the transition as their son desires to shop for himself. Elizabeth offers empathetic guidance, encouraging trust in children's instincts, navigating playground dynamics, and fostering independence in clothing choices. Join us in exploring these parenting journeys and empowering our children's unique paths!
Q: Dear Elizabeth, my daughter is at the age where she just wants to be friends with girls. I don’t want to be prescriptive about who she’s friends with, but I don’t like that she “doesn’t like boys.” thoughts?
— Let’sAllBeFriends
Dear Let’s All Be Friends,
I would ask your daughter why “she doesn’t like boys,” to dig a little deeper. Find out if something specific happened that is turning her off to hanging out with boys, and if your daughter can’t think of something defining, just give her space and time. Your daughter needs to know she can trust her instincts and do what’s best for her. My guess is that with time you will see her venture out of her comfort zone and make new friends.
I would also give her the freedom to make friends on her terms and not try to overrule her very real feelings by forcing playdates. It can also be a time for both of you to talk through the social navigation of playground politics — and that it’s okay to say “no thank you” if she doesn’t want to play with someone. Continue reading books about mixed groups of friends, highlight and praise qualities in the boys and girls she knows but give her the freedom to figure out how to create her social circle and follow and trust her internal guidance system.
Elizabeth
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Q: Dear Elizabeth, I’ve always shopped for my nine-year old. Now, he wants to shop for himself. Any ideas on how to guide him through picking out his own clothes?
— IStillWanttoChoose
Dear I Still Want to Choose,
It can be hard to let our “babies” grow up and make decisions for themselves, but it’s part of the journey of growing and changing, as a child and also as a parent. As your son starts to express his individuality, I would encourage you to step aside and let him lead the way and trust him to express himself in a way that is authentic to how he feels on the inside. It may be challenging for you to let go and let your son shop for himself at first, but you will be giving him the freedom to purchase from the heart and choose things he truly wants to wear. I promise you, giving him the opportunity to freely express himself is worth every penny. Ultimately, you are empowering your son with the confidence of making his own decisions and supporting him in creating his own experience with his clothing choices, which will give him the practice of being able to make his own decisions in other areas of his life.
You’re not out of the picture at all! Consider your role as helpful personal stylist, able to match his personality to his wardrobe — but only when asked! Before you head into a store or go online to search, talk through a shopping list together. Ask him what some of his favorite clothes are and why. Maybe it’s the colors and textures, maybe because he likes the fit, maybe because it’s the same shirt as his best friend. Don’t discount any reason. Talking through this can help him clue into how powerful our clothing choices can be in expressing who we are — and make it easier to choose when he’s actually shopping.
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
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YOUR 2022 GUIDE TO UNRESOLUTIONS - here's to fully embracing everything you are #individuality 🤸♀️
Work out more. Work less. It’s that time of year to come up with resolutions. Some may be cliche (eat healthier), some may be ambitious (no more social media) and some may be very ambitious (run a marathon). They can all help motivate you into feeling excited for the start of the year.
But as children hear what you’re planning to do, they may also hear a subtext: Who I was last year wasn’t good enough. And in the insanity of last year, where nothing went as planned for many of us, resolutions give us one more way to pressure ourselves into doing more even if we are already doing too much.
At StereoType, our mission is to break through and unlearn stereotypes that are created by societal norms and to inspire authentic expression of one’s true self. We were inspired to create a list of “unresolutions” for the beginning of January. After all, you don’t need to be anything else besides who you already are — a lesson that resonates for all of us, no matter how old we are. By creating goals from an empowered place of doing more things that make you happy, it’s a win-win: You get more of what you already have.
Here are some exercises to reframe resolutions:
Written and contributed by Anna Davies
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Anna Davies is an award-winning writer, editor and content strategist. She has written for The New York Times, New York, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Elle, Parents and others. She is a proud solo mama to her 7-year-old daughter, Lucy, and lives in the New York City area.
]]>As part of the Unlabeled series, StereoType will share raw and authentic stories and perspectives from parents and caregivers of diverse backgrounds. These individuals have challenged their own stereotypes, leading to mindful transformations in their quest for a closer connection with their children. Unlabeled will spotlight stories of learning, breakdowns, breakthroughs, and transformations as parents and caregivers strive to become more attuned to themselves during their parenting journey.
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Being a mother was never something I daydreamed about. When I met my husband, I immediately knew how important parenthood was to him and thought “If it happens, it happens.” We went through the motions of “trying” to conceive and when it wasn’t happening, we had a conversation over ice cream cones in Los Feliz. I asked him, "What do you think about adoption?" He looked at me with big eyes and said, "I think it's beautiful." I smiled. "Yeah, me too. Really beautiful."
I noticed the way adoption made me feel in my body. Vulnerable but open. Soft but sweet. Strong yet tender. It made me feel the way I do when I see my dad's eyes crinkle up with laughter. The way I feel when I'm really connected to others, sometimes in yoga classes, sometimes at church when visiting my parents, sometimes in nature. I felt it in my bones and knew it to be true. For me. For us. For this little human out there. I could close my eyes and picture every curve of their sweet, little face. I could picture the moment the car drove up and a social worker placed this baby in my arms.
I didn't feel this way when I thought about the other ways of becoming a mom. To be completely and utterly honest, I didn't even feel that way when I thought about myself as pregnant. I was trying to picture what someone else's version of motherhood and family looked like, and Photoshop my face on a dream.
Life happens like that. It’s so easy to feel when something is wrong, when something is not for us, not ours.
There was no trying anymore, no struggle or effort, everything that happened before brought us to the clearest moment. I felt mama in my body.This, this, is how we were meant to be parents. When we said the word ‘adoption,’ it felt right, like soulmate-right, and it made sense to me why I couldn't picture parenthood before. We chose this path. But really, I believe that it chose us. Foster care and potentially adoption was for us. But it doesn’t mean that we weren’t met with questions and judgments from time to time.
I remember when I handed a nurse my foster parent paperwork for certification at a physical. She looked at my paperwork, looked up and said, "I'm sorry". "Excuse me?" I said. "Can you not get pregnant?" she asked. I looked that nurse square in the eyes. "I think you meant congratulations, not sorry. This is exactly what we want to do and exactly how we want to become parents,” I said. I meant every single world.
This was the first of many insensitive comments I've heard and will continue to hear. But they pale in comparison to the amount of support we've received for our son Angel, who we fostered from six days old from when we adopted when he was two and a half. That being said, we have had much more support on this journey than we have had criticism. Angel — our child, now four – is loved beyond measure. By all of us: Family, friends, other foster families, social workers, even random people who have heard our story and stop me on the street and tell me how much it meant to them.
Adoption isn’t a black and white subject
It’s a journey that begins with loss for the child. That loss is something that we will work through with our son for the rest of our lives. But the love is big. And it’s honest. And it’s all encompassing. And in this crazy world, I need that reminder every damn day. If you feel called to foster or adopt, listen inward. You are being called for a reason and there’s someone who needs you more than you know. And you need them too.
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Mary Beth LaRue is a yoga instructor, writer and mother and founder of Embodied by MB, embodiment-based offerings that include yoga classes, teacher trainings, retreats and workshops. Find her on Instagram @marybethlarue
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For so long, I thought stereotypes were the secret to success
Follow the rules, step into the role people expect, and accolades will follow. And for a long time, it worked for me. Give me a framework, directions, marks to hit, rules to follow! Will it require a fixed view of myself? Can I over-simplify myself? Yes? Sign me up! Here’s a quick overview of how those stereotypes worked for me. It didn’t matter if it caused stress or anxiety, if people were happy about it, then I was all in. Hard working high school student. Easy. Start a business and work multiple jobs. Do great in classes. Cause no waves. Pay for my own stuff. Don’t be a burden. Keep my head down. Save. Earn. Be responsible, independent.
Business major. Easy. Join honors college. Run for student government office. Get the best internships. Win awards. Schmooze with the administration. Stand out. Get the best post-grad job. Wife and mom. Easy. Convert to a new religion for marriage. Learn everything. Fit the mold. Follow all the rules. Occupy the front row of church every Sunday. Have a kid and another and another and another and another. Honor. Cherish. Stay home. Homeschool. Lead Bible studies. Volunteer. Serve. Give. Support.
Right around that time is when I met someone who wrecked all of my plans, jacked my identity, and ruined everything I stood for: My second child, Craig (they/them).
You know when someone’s energy just really sets you off? When their very being challenges all the stuff you work day and night to protect? That was Craig. As a baby they were super grumpy, high-maintenance and I could not seem to figure out how to help them. As a toddler they did not care about any norms like wearing clothes or following along with the plan. I still have visions of their naked somersaulting phase. And then, as a kid, I paused. I would see them being as they were in every moment - free and real and truly unaffected by anything but their own internal drive to follow their instincts. At 10, Craig told me they were gay. At 10, they had the insight, the words and the courage to tell me they were different than they thought they were supposed to be.
Instinct to me was foreign. I asked myself, “What is an “instinct”? Can you give me an example? Use it in a sentence? Never heard of it.” But Craig’s instinct was infectious. It almost made me want to try and listen to my own instincts. So little by little, with my personal style, my decisions to do more things outside of the house, and to regain my freedom, I started venturing outside of my boundaries until I started actually recognizing my authentic self again.
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Vanessa Baker is a parent and teen mindset coach. She has five teenagers and a toddler. She uses her background in education, business and coaching to teach parents how to create healthy relationships with their teenagers, and ultimately, with themselves. She lives in Scottsdale, Arizona with her wife, kids and her cat, Walter White.
]]>Launching a new business is very much like raising my twins. It’s really scary, I never felt fully prepared for it and I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. But it’s also exciting, exhilarating, and it has expanded my heart and my world.
Much like parenting, there are no instructions. No matter how many books, podcasts, and TED Talks you listen to, nothing really prepares you for the actual journey of being an entrepreneur. It’s a 24/7 commitment that demands your attention in almost every possible way. You’re up at all hours trying to nurture and grow your “baby,” you’re constantly thinking about it, wondering if you’re doing all the right things, and it requires a lot of planning ahead. You have to find people who will also love your baby and help you raise it. Convince them to join you on your journey, that it’s worth their time and effort. The list goes on and on.
Reflecting on the first anniversary of my business launch, I can’t help but marvel at the unexpected path of getting here. I really resisted starting another business because it wasn’t part of my “plan.” I had already closed down my first fashion line, Piece x Piece, and was planning on taking some time to focus on parenting my young boy/girl twins.
But much like my first business, where I created new designs out of recycled fabrics, I had no plan or intention of starting a business but I felt moved and compelled to solve a problem.
After watching my twins dress themselves, I could clearly see that self-expression and individuality is essential to their happiness. They dressed themselves beyond their gender and that was natural for them. They blended their clothing together, mixing and matching from each other’s closets, and the opportunity to do so made them truly joyful. Every time they dressed themselves, they found a sense of their own unique identity. This required me to let go of any assumptions of how they “should” dress and unlearn some things that no longer held my beliefs. My calling began to become louder and louder especially as the events of 2020 began to unfold.
How was I going to soften the sharp edges so that I could keep the innocent hearts of my twins tethered even when I myself felt so untethered? The fragility of humanity was palpable in many ways and I felt it deeply. As uncertain and lost as those times felt, it was also a time of clarity, when my vision of the brand was coming into focus. Creating this business became the antidote to the calamities of the outside world. I was completely entranced and felt an internal guidance that kept telling me to just keep going. It was like I had a key to a special doorway and on the other side was what felt like freedom from what is to what could be.
I also started to realize that this wasn’t a solo endeavor. My twins were literally the DNA of the brand; my co-founders and the spark that ignited the idea for StereoType.
Integrating them into the business little by little feels natural and easy, like it was truly meant to be. As they grow and understand the outside world, I want us all to be on this journey of learning, growing and stretching together. They also teach and inspire me, so it’s a win win. I want them to see that I don’t have it all figured out, that it’s okay to learn as you go. I try to tell my twins as often as I can that I’m learning and growing just like they are, and sometimes it’s not easy and can take us places we didn’t expect but we understand more about ourselves when faced with challenges.
As I began to put the pieces of my vision together and thought about the launch date, I knew it had to be 11/11/20. There was absolutely no other date that would do. I know many associate 11:11 as a magic number, a sign to make a wish, receive a message, or trust in the Universe. But the reason I choose 11/11 is because my twins were born on January 1, and if you multiply that by 2 you get 11/11. So much magic that I couldn’t let the date pass by without StereoType being officially born into existence and introduced to the world.
My collection is not so much about dressing gender-free but more about embracing the masculine and the feminine. I want people to see that as equal in value. No diminishing. No categories. No labels. Just playful, imaginative kids clothing that ignites the freedom of self-expression, inspires, and delights. One year in and I can honestly tell you that I’m challenged every single day as a parent, and as an entrepreneur. I’m learning to show up and lead in many different ways that aren’t always comfortable or easy. It’s truly a ride like no other, and like parenting I’m in it for the long haul. I know there will be ups and downs and beautiful swells of chaos mixed with the quietness of the smallest of details. I’m here for all of it.
Thank you for joining me on this journey and believing in the message and mission of StereoType. I’m just getting started and I’m so excited to share my journey with you.
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
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A few years ago, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, stopping at one of my favorite local parenting groups. A woman had posted a question. She was a single mom by choice, she wrote, due in the next few months and was looking to meet more solo moms. I responded, my fingers eagerly flying across my phone, oversharing in my excitement.
"Hi! I’m a solo mom of a 2-year-old named Lucy. My daughter’s father isn’t in the picture, as she was conceived during a backpacking adventure around the world, so I like to say I’m a solo mom by not-accident. I’d love to connect." She reached out via DM. "Sorry, but I’m really just looking for solo moms by choice."
I felt embarrassment flush my face. Like my message had said, my daughter was conceived while I was backpacking around the world as a single thirty-year-old. I had always known I had wanted children, and even once had joked that if I was still single by the time I was 35, I would backpack around Australia and make it happen. As it was, Lucy was conceived in Ireland, five years ahead of schedule and due to a birth control mishap, but as far as I was concerned, she was meant to be. Still, I never felt like I fit anywhere in the mom world. I wasn’t a single mom by choice — not exactly — but I also wasn’t divorced, separated, or co-parenting with a partner. I wasn’t partnered at all. And I didn’t know who or where my mom tribe was, or who it would be.
When I first became a parent, I had been nervous about becoming a single mom. I knew people held about the role: Overwhelmed. Struggling. Unhappy. I made it my mission to be the opposite of every solo mom stereotype people may have. At the new mom group I went to in the neighborhood, the facilitator would always ask about everyone’s high and low points of the week. Other people would talk about missed sleep, miscommunications, and exhaustion. When it was my turn to share, I’d talk about magical solo stroller walks, hanging out with other parents in cafes. I would never, ever admit to a challenge. Another time, when Lucy was five months old, my new mom friends organized a potluck barbeque. I offered to bring desserts, making five desserts in the early morning hours while Lucy was watching me from her bouncer on the kitchen floor.
I wanted everything to seem easy, effortless, fun, that being a single mom was no big deal. And I gradually fell into a group of married mom friends. I’d listen as they commiserated about their partners and talk about their goals for the future. I didn’t realize how little I was contributing regarding my own challenges and goals. On the surface, I fit in. Who needed the solo moms? I had found my mom group.
But during the course of the pandemic, I realized that fitting into the married moms meant losing touch with other parts of myself. I didn’t want another child. I didn’t want to move to the suburbs. But I found myself caught up talking about Zillow listings and pediatricians, sleep training and school ratings. In avoiding the “single mom” stereotype, I’d fallen right into another one.
Now, I’m still figuring out who I am — and realizing how fluid that definition can be.
“You’re not a single mom, you’re a woman with a child,” my boss said offhandedly, when I was talking about my realization that I needed a life that felt more expansive than the one I’d created. And that’s the most accurate description for me. I love being a parent. But I also love being a woman, exploring my passions, desires, and goals, and how everything can fit together to create a life I love. I don’t know what that will look like. But I know that it won’t be stereotypical.
Written by Anna Davies
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Anna Davies is an award-winning writer, editor and content strategist. She has written for The New York Times, New York, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Elle, Parents and others. She is a proud solo mama to her 7-year-old daughter, Lucy, and lives in the New York City area.
]]>Navigating your child's unique fashion choices in a public school setting can be challenging. In this heartfelt Q+A, WantMySonToShine seeks advice as their son, who identifies as a boy, expresses a love for dresses and 'sparkle shirts.' Elizabeth shares personal insights, addressing concerns of potential teasing and bullying. Discover the empowering journey of supporting your child's authenticity and witnessing the beauty of true friendships blossoming.
Q: My Son Wants to Wear a Dress. I’m Worried He’ll Get Teased. Help!
Hi Elizabeth,
I love the brand and was really captivated by your own story. I also have a son who is currently in first grade, and while he identifies as a boy, he loves wearing dresses and feeling “beautiful.” We were in a progressive kindergarten last year, where he wore whatever he wanted. Now, we’re in a public first grade, and he’s likely going to be with these classmates for at least the next five years.
He wants to wear his skirts and “sparkle shirts” to school. I’ve told him that there’s a difference between play clothes and school clothes. But now he’s one month into the school year, and he’s noticed his female peers are wearing skirts and “sparkle shirts.” I know the excuse was a lame one, and I feel like he knows, too. Thoughts?
— WantMySontoShine
Dear Want My Son to Shine,
I completely understand where you are coming, my son also identifies as a boy, and is drawn to dresses and anything that sparkles. When he first started wearing dresses and skirts it was in our home and he was free to wear whatever he liked, but when it came time to wearing dresses outside of the safety and (non-judgement) of our home, I felt more anxious about what others might think or say, knowing not everyone will agree with Jacob’s choices in dressing.
I was worried about the potential teasing and bullying Jacob might face when he went to school dressed in sparkles and kittens, but I eventually realized I couldn’t control what happened to Jacob outside of our home, I could only love, support and advocate for him as he is — which is a sweet, loving, gentle little human. I could make sure he knew he wasn’t wrong for loving the things that he does, that wearing what he loves is exactly how he should be dressing and empowering him to do so. The same for my daughter Chloe and her love of black, camo and dinosaurs, which are not discouraged or even encouraged in our home. These clothing choices are simply what my kids are drawn to and love to embody at this stage in their young lives. By encouraging their individuality every step of the way, I am able to create a stronger bond and deeper connection with my kids because they know that they are loved and accepted as they are.
What ended up happening at school when Jacob did wear his more “feminine” clothing, was although he may have gotten some negative attention for wearing a dress or sparkles (or both) what he really gained were good friendships and friends who truly cared and loved him for who he is and not what he wore. The best part is seeing those friendships blossom and flourish. They feel supported and seen by one another. It’s such a beautiful thing.
I know it’s so hard and can be intimidating to go against the grain. We don’t want our kids to hurt...ever. But what I’m encouraging you to do is feel the wonder alongside the worry. Your son knows who he is and what makes him feel good! Some people spend their whole lives trying to achieve that sense of self. So I would say take a step back, offer support, and know that your son is already shining!
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Have a question about navigating the gendered-clothing aisles, practicing conscious parenting, embracing change, challenging and changing gender-norms, raising twins or anything else? Send us your questions and Elizabeth will give you her best answer in the next AEA.
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“Can I wear this costume even after Halloween, Mommy?” my then-4-year-old son Jacob asked me as I helped him into his purple princess costume. “Yes of course, it looks so good on you,” I say as I brushed his hair away from his big brown eyes. “You look like a very pretty girl.” Next to him, his twin sister Chloe was sitting still in her Batman costume. Even though she was trying hard not to fidget so her dad could paint on an eye mask, a small smile on her face showed just how excited she was turning into a superhero.
“Mommy?” I paused mid-way through straightening Jacob’s crown. “I don’t want to be a girl, I just want to look beautiful.” Our eyes locked. I clasped one of my own necklaces around his neck. “You are beautiful, even without the costume.” He grinned from ear to ear, grabbed his sparkle wand and ran out of the room.
That moment grabbed hold of me, pierced my heart and changed me forever. You see, I assumed Jacob wanted to look like a girl when he picked out his princess costume. But he didn’t. He knew what he wanted: To feel beautiful.
Ever since they could dress themselves, my children have been using clothing as a way to communicate who they are and how they feel. It’s the way I communicate with the world, too. I’ve been a designer for several years now, and I launched my first line, Piece x Piece, pre-kids in 2010. Every item of clothing as part of the Piece x Piece collection was made from discarded fabric samples — a way to make something new with what other people might consider “waste.”
For me, clothing tells a story and connects people to the world without saying a word. Every piece of clothing you put on can shift your perspective and allow you to lean into a different part of your identity.
I’ll never forget the day I was watching Jacob in his new princess nightgown when he was about 5 years old. It was a warm summer evening and he was running back and forth on the grass, unaware I was watching him. He was singing his favorite song at the top of his lungs, the dress was a vibrant red, and the sun was setting behind him. Everything was golden, especially Jacob. As I watched him play, joy radiated from every cell of his body. I was witnessing magic right before my eyes. I felt the same way when I would watch Chloe climbing trees in her Black Panther mask, wearing her tool belt around the house, or stomping around like a dinosaur. Those were moments I could truly “see” my children as they fully embodied the expanse of their identities--glimpses like this felt like gifts.
But the outside world is a much scarier place — and a lot more judgmental. I was never worried for Chloe. She could wear her dino tees, Sharks jersey and camo pants and no one looked twice. But when Jacob wore a skirt or dress outside our home, his experience was very different. People would point or snicker, but the worst was when people who loved him would try to be “helpful” and redirect his choices toward something “for boys.” One well-meaning mom in his class told me I was “brave” for letting him wear dresses. I knew she meant no offense, but I felt rage inside. “I’m brave for letting my child pick out his own clothes, and express who he is?”
If I could breathe fire in those moments, I would have scorched the earth. No one was going to tell my son to shrink, no one was going to dim his light, label him or stereotype him. I don’t judge parents whose daughters dress in head-to-toe pink or their sons in camo shorts and truck t-shirts. But other parents had no problem judging my child whose clothing choices broke stereotypes. But the more I searched department stores and online for clothes for my kids, the more frustrated I became “Why are these departments separated?” I thought to myself as I shopped for Chloe in the boys department and Jacob in the girls, “Where was “the kids” department?”
Yes, there were “gender-neutral” options. But these pieces were mostly made in low-key, muted shades that were sparse on embellishments, patterns, sparkle, and personality — things that were essential to my kids' clothing choices. Sure, I found many well-made brands that could become wardrobe staples, but I wanted to celebrate expression and identity, not play it down.
I remember thinking: This has to change. I then realized that I wanted — no, needed — to change it. This is how I started StereoType — by focusing on the needs of my children, not the expectations of others.
I don’t want to tone anything down, I want to highlight and elevate my kids’ authenticity and self-expression. Which is why StereoType is a true celebration of self-expression--a beautiful blend inspired by my boy-girl twins. My son loves sparkles, and my daughter loves black (along with many other things!) This first capsule collection is a reflection of them at this moment. I call it “blended fashion” because that’s exactly what it is-- a beautiful blend of both boys and girls, equal in value and defined by no one.
We are so excited to begin this journey with you! We want to hear your stories and celebrate self-expression with you. Follow along @stereotypekidsofficial on Instagram, read our blog Unlabeled, and learn about how other parents are challenging and changing stereotypes while raising their own kids. And finally drop me a line at hello@stereotypekids.com if you want to connect and share, and tell me what you think. Because this is just the beginning of breaking down stereotypes and celebrating our unique selves. I can’t wait for you to come along for the adventure!
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Elizabeth Brunner is the Founder and CEO of StereoType, a gender-free kids' fashion brand that challenges the norms and stereotypes of traditional clothing.
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My mother was so excited for her son and son-in-law that she continuously sent package after package of new clothes to our house. Week after week they came, each filled to the brim to show just how much she loved her new granddaughter. Newborns do not stay small for long, and with piles of new clothes forming I found some time to go to the store and exchange some items for some bigger sizes. I packed the multiple bags of pink, purple, and pink/purple pants and shirts into my car, excited at the prospect of getting some greens, yellows, and grays into my new daughter’s wardrobe.
I walked into the store and quickly learned about the “boys” and “girls'' sections: girls were meant to wear three colors: pink, purple, and pink/purple. Dresses and shirts were adorned with phrases such as “World’s Best Mom” or “Mom Knows Best.” Across the aisle in the boys’ section, I saw gray pants, green sweatshirts, black vests, and superheroes. Lots of superheroes. Absent were any “World’s Best Dad” or “Dad Knows Best” shirts, let alone clothes with designs and slogans geared toward kids rather than parents.
After repeated trips to the store to make exchanges — my mom’s packages kept coming — I quickly developed a strategy to find the clothes I want: ignore the sections; pick eye-catching colors; and get clothes that fit my daughter’s developing personality. As a parent of a child with two Dads the same sentences went through my head every time I went to that store: “Right. I’m different here too.”
Being a new parent is hard. You’re quickly confronted with lots of decisions and few people to help you navigate them. You are also confronted with all the stereotypes and prescribed narratives that come along with being a “mom” or a “dad”.
As a gay man, I was used to creating my own narrative. I realized that now, as a gay adoptive parent with my husband, we would have to chart our own course. And here’s what I realized: Past experiences figuring it out on my own set me up to feel totally comfortable crossing that aisle from the girls’ to boys’ section in the store: I’ve dressed in drag, I like the color pink, and why would I ever let a clothing store dictate to me what was in my closet, let alone my kid’s closet!?!
One thing that’s clear with kids is that they see the world differently than we do. They take things less seriously and like to play. So why not encourage that through their clothing? Why not make fashion an enabler of expressing who they are rather than telling them they have a limited sandbox in which to play?
We have been lucky to be in a generation where more and more we see boys running around in dresses and girls wearing all black. We love seeing kids play with gender, mixing and matching styles that speak to them rather than the outside world. We love the freedom that comes from picking clothes the same way we pick our food at the supermarket: choose what nourishes you and your body. Food is meant to be enjoyed, mixed and matched, played with through new and old recipes. Clothes should be too.
Eventually my mother’s boxes of clothing stopped coming — our daughter passed age 8 and she was ready to choose her own clothes. She is still amazed when we shop for pants and remembers history books that talk about women being admonished for wearing pants. She asks: “Why would anyone care? Who made those rules?” Good questions!
Our kids are ready to have playful fashion that matches their ability to see each other as people, not strictly as boys or girls who fit into a box. Let’s take that box, shake it out on the floor, and mix and match until our kids pick what they want to wear. Everything ends up dirty in the laundry machine anyway!
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How Blended Fashion Helped Me Find Myself
During my childhood, I never felt comfortable in the stereotypical clothing made for girls. Skirts made me feel uncomfortable, but I loved cargo shorts and baseball caps. Purples and pinks disgusted me, but I loved anything red, green, or black. My favorite shoes were sneakers and flip flops, and I avoided dress shoes at all possible costs.
However, I come from a fairly conservative family, so I often ended up wearing handmade dresses and jumpers. On the rare occasions I could dress authentically as myself, some of my classmates called me a "tomboy” and make fun of my clothing choices. Because of this, I spent years hiding behind clothes I hated just so I could fit in.
I put on the cute dresses and the pastel-colored tops. I tried my best to be the “sweet little girl” that everyone wanted to see. In other words, I conformed to what I thought I had to be. Although this conformity seemed to cause less whispers and arguments, I barely recognized the girl in the mirror because she wasn’t me.
During my teenage years, I found ways to dress more true to myself. My closet became a mashup of graphic tees, flare jeans, plaid skirts, and dark-colored blouses. Some days I’d look like a typical teenage girl, other days I’d look like Avril Lavigne. I wasn’t trying to make a statement — I just put on what I felt like wearing each morning when I woke up.
At the time I didn’t realize there was a term for my closet full of clothes that came from different gendered sections of several different stores. I just knew that buying and wearing clothes that spoke to me made me feel, well, like myself — authentic and free.
When I started dressing as my authentic self, I felt more confident and comfortable in my skin. In fact, I rediscovered myself in ways I never thought possible.
What I learned over the years is that we don’t need to meet anyone else’s expectations or check off all the boxes of gender norms to find our authentic self — we just need to be the person who makes us truly happy. We just need to unconditionally love ourselves.
I’m now in my mid-30s, and my closet is still an eclectic mix of anything and everything that speaks to me. Sometimes I wear one of my favorite graphic tees with a blazer and pencil skirt. Other times I throw on a pair of jeans and a comfy sweatshirt or an old t-shirt and a pair of men’s athletic shorts. I don’t wear clothes to please other people or to check off any boxes of gender norms — I just wake up each morning and pick whatever fits my mood and my plans for the day.
As a mother of two young girls, I also carry this approach to clothing and self-expression over into my parenting. From the time they were born, I never wanted to confine my daughters into the same uncomfortable expectations that trapped me for a large portion of my childhood. So, instead of forcing them to wear certain outfits just because of their gender, I let them pick out clothing that they like.
When you open my daughters’ dresser drawers, you will find everything from Pokèmon shirts and sweatpants to sparkly pink skirts and vibrant floral tops. I love watching them wear what makes them happy because I get to watch them live their most authentic life every single day.
I knew that my approach to clothing differed from most of my friends and family. However, I recently learned that there’s a name for the way I pick out my clothing and let my daughters choose theirs — it’s blended fashion. Blended fashion is important for people like me (and my children) because it can help us showcase our true selves through our wardrobe choices.
At the end of the day, I don’t want anyone else to grow up like I did, scared to express themselves and live their truth. And that’s exactly what embracing blended fashion can help us all do — accept and love ourselves for who we truly are.
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February is a month of love! For parents, it’s also a time of year when we celebrate the love we have for our little sweethearts - typically with candy and sweet gifts. While these are traditions we love dearly, this year we’re challenging ourselves to go beyond the obvious and explore deeper ways to show “love” to our kids by modeling to them the concept of “self-love.”
We’ve outlined five simple strategies below that we as parents can put in place to help our kids connect to what they love most about themselves, elevate the importance of self-confidence and self-love, and expand the idea of what love looks like by teaching them about self-love.
Create a Compliment Jar
Every day in February, encourage family members to write down compliments (or draw a picture) and put it in the jar, starting with I love the way you __________. At the end of the month, take the pieces of paper out of the jar and read them to each other over a special meal or carve out sometime during the day where there won’t be any disruptions. Consider giving compliments that highlight the gift that the person is to you or to the world, their way of being - that you want to acknowledge. Sure, it’s great to tell your second-grader how proud you are that they aced their spelling test, but it’s even more impactful to tell them how proud you were to see them caring for a sibling, asking grandma about her day over a Zoom call, or for practicing being true and authentic to themselves. Explain to them the importance of “being” versus “doing” as part of this experience for added value.
Encourage Self Acknowledgement
Let your child hear you acknowledge yourself! I am really proud of the progress I made on a big project at work today. I love how sweaty I got on that run. I am proud that I went to the dentist, even though I was scared. Normalize noticing and acknowledging the things you admire in yourself, and encourage your children to do the same. Self-compliments and acknowledgements can extend to physical attributes too — show your child that it’s healthy to love themselves inside and out.
Notice And Celebrate Difference in the Media
We live in a visual world. Celebrate what makes people you see in the media and in books different and unique by pointing out what you notice. From “I love how confident this unicorn is” while you read a book to complimenting the beauty in a grandmother’s smile or grandpa’s eyes during a commercial, you’re normalizing that everyone carries attributes of beauty, strength, and confidence. It can also be a good time to switch gender expectations for attributes. Men and boys can be beautiful and vulnerable, girls can have strong muscles and be leaders. The more you normalize breaking gender stereotypes, the more kids will be able to see and accept these attributes in themselves and in those around them.
Think Beyond Your Family
For a lot of families, Valentine’s Day is subdivided into two categories: Kids buy and swap candy, adults go on date night. But think beyond the cliches and think of bigger ways your family can celebrate love by giving back to the community. Maybe that includes participating in random acts of kindness and finding ways to give back in some way every day. Maybe it’s sending Valentine’s Day cards to senior citizens and writing them sweet notes that will lift their spirits. Or maybe it’s pledging to love the environment and participating in a ‘No Waste’ challenge. Think of something that’s actionable for your whole family and commit to it for the month and make making a difference a part of your daily life.
Let’s Talk About Love
“Love” is one of those words that has different meanings to everyone. Talk to your child about what love is and what love looks like. This may mean digging in and coming up with your own definition of “love” and then using that as a springboard for conversation. By talking about love — what it means, what it feels like, and why it’s a human right everyone deserves — you’re teaching your child just how many forms love comes in and how seeking it out and finding it — from friends, from teachers, and eventually from a partner — is all part of life’s big adventure.
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