Q: Managing New School Year Anxiety with Conscious Parenting

Hi Elizabeth,

I'm a big fan of your mission at StereoType Kids and how you advocate for children's individual expression. With the new school year starting, my daughter, who is entering third grade, is feeling increasingly anxious. She's always been shy and the transition from summer to a structured school environment is challenging for her. Additionally, she's expressed concerns about making new friends and fitting in, especially since she tends to be more reserved. As her parent, I'm also feeling the stress of ensuring she feels supported and confident. Do you have any tips on how we can manage these anxieties together and help her start the year feeling strong and empowered?

— Minneapolis Mom

Dear Minneapolis Mom,

Back to school can bring so many feelings for parents and kids. For parents it’s often a time to get kids out of the house and back into a routine, and for kids, it can be a time of excitement and anxiety about what lies ahead of the new school year, or new school.

What’s most important is to really acknowledge all of the feelings that are associated with returning to school, even as a parent. Parents have to navigate a whole lot of change from preschool to teen and you need to take stock and adjust every year. I would encourage you to spend some time alone and use back-to-school planning as an opportunity to ask yourself some questions about what you are noticing about your child as they enter the new school year.

How has my child changed since the last school year? This has nothing to do with academics and everything to do with how they are relating to their peers, teachers, and most importantly you. If you can gauge where they are at on an emotional level, then it can set the tone for how to support them in the coming school year. While kids may not always act like they need our help, I’ll give you a little hint, they always do. Ask them how they are feeling about the new school year and be ready to fully listen. Sometimes it’s not about problem solving so much as active listening.

Is my child expressing worry and anxiety about the upcoming school year? If you can ask this question to your child and then follow it up with, how can I support you? You will open the door to a deeper connection to your child. While they may not offer up the full range of emotions the moment you pose the question, you can then use your spidey senses to help fill in the blanks. No one knows your child better than you, and often what kids really need is their parents to stop and listen. Being fully present when talking about what’s on their mind is where you will find the sweet spot to being fully connected to your kiddo. They won’t forget it and neither will you.

How you doing? Friends reference aside. How are you doing? I don’t know any parent that isn’t swamped with a million tasks and with little down time in sight we can forget to check in with ourselves. I know this happens to me often and I will find myself searching for a pause button on life just so I can catch my breath. In the troughs of back-to-school, take some time to focus on you. While it’s easy to focus outwardly on your child, it’s just as important to acknowledge your own personal parenting journey up until this point. Remember you are growing and changing alongside your child, acknowledging where you are at will help you focus on where you are headed and you can then adjust your inner compass accordingly.

One last tip. Enjoy it all. While there are bound to be bad days here and there, remember that we only have our kids under our care for such a short time. What they need from you is to feel seen, supported and loved, as is. You’ll never regret spending more time getting to know your kids and they will never forget it too.

_____