Motherhood is a journey filled with perseverance, personal development, and unwavering love. Learn how Elizabeth, founder of StereoType Kids, has discovered the significance of letting go and the profound reservoir of fortitude within herself to get through difficult challenges. From the awe-inspiring moment of realization to confronting unforeseen hurdles with courage and bravery. Join Elizabeth as she recounts her incredible journey of her pregnancy with twins.

When Motherhood called me, it was the first step in initiating me into a constant state of growth and transformation that I can only describe as a spiritual journey. I had to face a lot of change within my body just as much as outside my body. Since I was considered a high-risk pregnancy because I was carrying twins, putting my needs first was not only essential but also required. It was the first time I was prescribed total self-care. What was this? It was so foreign that I didn’t even understand what “self-care” really meant. All I knew was my goal was to deliver healthy babies full-term, and I was determined to see that vision through. However, life had other plans, and like a rushing river, I had no choice but to bend to every twist and turn. With twins, you’re at the doctor's office twice as much, checking on progress and watching for any red flags. I was grateful for the care, but worry flooded me every time I sat in the waiting room. In many ways, I learned how to cope with my un-ease by reminding myself I had no control, and while that felt unsettling to me at times I learned to find comfort by surrendering and trusting the process. That was truly the only way through. 

In those early pregnancy days, I remember panic mixed with excitement; since I had not planned on having twins, my outlook on pending motherhood completely changed. I needed to think about everything twice as much now, extending my already overwhelming need to control what I essentially had no control over. I had to wrestle my mind away from the hamster wheel of thoughts on how I could possibly prepare for motherhood. Sure, I could register for all the things, read all the books, talk to all the friends, and make plans that might work out, but again and again, I was reminded, that control was out of my hands, and it was all a practice of surrender. When I found myself spinning (which was often), I almost had to laugh at myself for trying to have it all planned out. There’s no plan, only what is. 

When a routine check-up turned into an emergency c-section, my soft laid plan of surrender turned into full-fledged fear. Things were coming along so nicely; how did my plan go so arwy? As I think back now, I still feel the heaviness in my heart of all that ensued as I was rushed to a hospital bed within the blink of an eye. Within minutes, I was hooked up to so many monitors I felt like I couldn’t move for worry of anything being pulled out of place. My heart raced as I tried to focus on the positive as much as possible - “I’m going to meet my babies soon,” I said to myself. It’s interesting what the mind blocks out when deep distress sets in; I somehow managed to talk myself through one of the scariest days of my life by focusing on surrendering control. Reminding myself that I was in the best possible care and that the doctors and nurses knew exactly what to do. One of the nurses was so kind to me as I was being prepped for the cesarean. She knew I was terrified, and she looked into my teary eyes, hugged me, and said, “It’s all going to be okay.” Her words were like a soothing balm on an open sore that was pulsating and raw. I focused on her words as she gently rubbed my arm while they began the process of numbing me and covering up my abdomen with a sheet to hide the prepared on the other side. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life as I lay there on the operating table with my husband holding my hand, his eyes filling with tears, trying to hold positivity while being terrified himself. In that moment of shared vulnerability, we clung to each other's presence for comfort, as the atmosphere in the room shifted dramatically. My fears became glee when I heard my daughter Chloe’s first cry. My husband choked back tears to say, “We have a beautiful baby girl’! A small smile crossed my face as I focused on her cry while waiting for another. A little less than three minutes later, my son Jacob entered the world, and suddenly, my focus shifted from what was happening in my body to what was happening outside of my body. The delivery felt like a victory, but the marathon was really just beginning.

Although my twins were preemies, they luckily were healthy and just needed to grow more before we could bring them home. I never thought I would leave the hospital without my babies, but I found myself having to face this fact when they needed to stay in the NICU for six weeks. After being discharged and sent home, I felt lost, my arms aching to hold my newborns. I was so exhausted and depleted that going home without them, while heartbreaking, gave me a chance to grasp my new reality. I remember that first night back home, sleeping deeply and waking up the next morning unsure of what happened. Everything felt so strange, and I was sliding down a slippery slope of despair. That first morning home, I stood over my bed and decided to focus on things I could control instead of the mountain that was out of my control, so I made my bed, which felt like sweet relief. What else can I control? I took a shower, and then I fed myself a meal. Little by little I found my center again, even if it was fleeting. Again, I was continually brought back to a place of surrender and trust, and damn, was it uncomfortable. 

Since embarking on the journey of motherhood, I have experienced many sleepless nights, changed miles of diapers, weathered toddler tantrums, and been inundated with countless questions. What I realized is that I have grown hand in hand with my twins, conquering one hurdle after another and uncovering the courage that resides within me. I am immensely grateful to see my children blossoming into healthy, compassionate eleven-year-olds with vibrant hearts, healthy bodies, and flourishing intellects. Motherhood has illuminated the depths of my being and allowed me to tap into a wellspring of strength that has always been there waiting to be discovered and that knowledge continues to guide me through the spiritual journey that is Motherhood. 

With Love,